


Confusion won't let me see

by wannabe_free



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-19
Updated: 2013-01-19
Packaged: 2017-11-26 02:09:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/645386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wannabe_free/pseuds/wannabe_free
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's the only one that  has been trusted with Harry's secret. So that leaves him the only qualified person to try and ease the curly haired's misfortunes and miseries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confusion won't let me see

Niall yawns for the third time in the last hour. Liam nudges at him and he has to shift on the couch to try to shake the sleep off.

They are all gathered in the living room of Louis' and Harry's shared flat watching the Notebook and Niall wants to pull off his hair in desperation.

He'd rather be watching the AVENGERS, or The Bourne identity. He would have agreed more enthusiastically to watch a Disney movie if necessary, just not this shit.

The rest of the guys have their eyes glued to the television; a look of consternation on his faces, and Niall wonders when his mates stopped being horny teenagers boys and became weeping old ladies.

Niall, on the other hand is bored out of his mind and he is seriously contemplating the idea of grabbing one of the bags of crisps and run to his own flat.  
Maybe the movie works if you are in love and you watch it with your girlfriend, or if you want to get into someone pants. First you make them emotionally unstable and then BANG! There you go.

But Niall is neither in love nor wanting to get into any of his bandmates's pants, so the whole of spending a Saturday night watching this shit is totally pointless.  
What is the big deal with love, anyway? Maybe he's not one to talk, because he's never experienced it firsthand. However, he's seen what it does to people, so Niall is not in any rush to get a crush on someone.

For instance there's Liam and Danielle. 

If you take an overall glance, it works. They are very cutesy and lovey dovey and they make Niall want to puke rainbows and get as far as possible from them. 

But Niall knows better. He knows about the fights over the phone, knows how much it hurts them when they need the be together but can't, because Liam is touring somewhere in America and Danielle is dancing her heart out in London.

That's love at its best. Requited love, the easier one. Then there's the other kind, the one that sucks.

At this, Niall looks at Harry. His green orbs look translucent in the vague light of the television and he's squinting because he was too lazy to get up to get his glasses from his room. But even like that, his eyes are still big compared to Louis' who is sitting by him.

Harry must feel Niall looking persistently at him, because he divers his eyes from the television and looks at him with a big smile. Niall yawns, letting him know how much he is disliking the movie and Harry rolls his eyes and his eyes flicker to the television again.

It's ridiculous how long Harry has managed to be in love with Louis without getting anything in exchange from the older lad.  
When they all met, back in the X Factor days, they all had a tiny crush on Louis. A sort of Oedipus complex that had them all fighting to get some of the Docaster boy’s attention.  
They grew out of it, eventually. Harry never did.

It saddens Niall; seeing his friend like this. It makes Niall hate romantic movies, and love and Eleanor, even though there is no reason for this. Niall takes it as his personal task and duty to take care of the younger lad. 

It is half imposed on him, anyway, because he's the only one that has been trusted with Harry's secret. So that leaves him the only qualified person to try to ease Harry's misfortunes and miseries.

Not that Niall can complain; this has brought them very close in a way few things in life do.

Basically Harry turns to Louis when he is at his best but he turns to Niall instead when he is at his worst, which Niall again doesn't mind at all. He has thousands of mates he can get drunk with and who are so much better at keeping up with him that light weight Harry will ever be. He would never trust anyone non Irish to party hard with him anyway. So this is the deal and it works.

They hang out a lot in Niall's flat because he lives on his own. Harry has basically conquered Niall's couch and they have become quite domestic. They go grocery shopping together from time to time, watch movies together and have cold pizza for breakfast. Niall knows Harry likes it there and he is pretty sure that he feels more comfortable in when he is in Niall’s flat than at his own apartment. 

There was a time (when Eleanor first came into the scene and she took a liking to Louis's and Harry's flat) when Niall actually considered asking Harry to move in with him, because he already spent so much time there that it just made sense. He didn't, though, because he wasn’t sure if that's what Harry wanted and he didn't want to make his friend awkward by having to choose.

The question died on his lips and instead he decided to make sure that Harry knew his door was always open for him.

Always, means at four o clock in the morning when Harry comes drunk after going out with Girmmy and his other mates and has forgotten his keys. Or at 8 am because Harry doesn’t have any food for breakfast at home.

Niall doesn't pay much attention to the lame excuses anymore. He just gets that Harry needs to get away from hostile territory and be somewhere where he knows he is welcome and safe.

So it's only natural that he hands him a copy of his keys eventually.

He doesn't want to make a big fuss about it. Doesn't want Harry reading too much into why he is giving him a copy and not to the rest of the guys, so when Harry comes with a small bag and announces that he is going out but that he'll come later and crash here for the night, Niall is all “Yeah, right I'll leave your pillow on the couch, and here, have the keys, cos I'm taking an early night.” it doesn't seem out of place.

Neither of them mention the fact that the keys are never asked back.

 

Niall is not a person of many words when it comes to his feelings. He doesn't voice them because he is too obtuse with them. He might have a funny lump in his throat sometimes, usually at night when he is alone at home and he just skyped his mates from Mullingar. Something raw and uncomfortable stuck in his larynx that makes Niall want to cry. Usually, though, the blonde can't honestly say if he's sad, or lonely or hungry.

Harry usually knows. He knows when something that the boys said has hurt Niall even before the blonde himself realizes. Or when the blond wishes he was in Ireland because his mate Darragh has passed his driving test and all of his mates are going out to celebrate. Then Harry forces him to go out with Grimmy and his hipster friends, and even though Niall doesn't quite understand their humor, he is grateful for the effort.

In appreciation of these displays of friendship, Niall encourages Harry to sleep around to try to get Louis out of his mind. Because that's what the blond knows. He doesn't get love and can't tell the difference between the feelings of loneliness and hunger, but he knows everything about one night stands and how to have fun.

But it doesn't seem to work for Harry, not in the same way it works for Niall. Because Harry doesn't possess the gift of not giving a fuck.

It makes Niall wish Harry would have told his dirty little secret to Liam, or Zayn... anyone but him, because he's sure their advises wouldn't be so stupid and pointless, and they would not be half as awkward trying to comfort the British boy. 

There are times that Niall feels he's not up to the task of fixing Harry; he is not good enough.

He doesn't trust his voice when that happens. He just sits there, his arms limply by his sides, his hands itching to touch because that is the only way of comfort he. It must be enough, though, because Harry comes back time after time.

 

“People don't give you enough credit.” Harry comments once, when they are just playing some video games, the volume on mute to allow conversation.

Niall scrunches up his nose.

“You are like...the nicest person I know,” Harry adds. “And you are wiser than everyone thinks.” 

Niall chuckles at that.

“Haha no, mate, I never get anything.” He says quickly.

“You get me.” Harry mumbles.

 

And it's truth that Harry is probably the only person on earth who takes Niall seriously. Who trusts him with his life. 

From time to time Niall gets insecure. It really gets to him that people baby him, that they patronize him or treat him as he was weak. On those times, Harry is always there for him.

 

“Are you kidding me? You are stronger than all of them put together, Niall.” 

“Yeah, right” Niall mumbles, crestfallen.

“Niall Horan, don't you dare to let people belittle you, you can achieve everything you want, ok?” Harry says firmly.

“Okay.” Niall nods feebly.

“Now say it like you actually believe it” Harry laughs.

And Niall smiles and throws a cushion at Harry’s face.

 

 

They are on the tour bus sitting next to each other even though there are plenty of empty seats. The rest of the boys and the crew are sprawled on their seats sleeping, or listening to music.

“Is it really worth it?” Niall asks when Harry is moping about Louis’ last anti-Larry Stylinson.

“I don't know anymore, honestly.” Harry mumbles. He makes a pause and then asks, “Can you picture us together? Do you think we would be happy?”

Niall doesn't have to think too much about at it; it is something he has thought about other times. And no, he can't picture him with Louis, but in all honesty he can't picture Harry with anybody.

Niall worries his lip, trying to find a way to say the truth without hurting Harry. Finally, he settles with a, “Mmmm, I don't know Haz, maybe if things were different. I just think you will find someone who won't give you all this drama.” 

Harry looks at him for a while. He seems to be in deep thought, but he doesn't seem sad or angry. “So you think I should stop focusing on Louis and try to find somebody else instead?” He asks.

Niall takes a while to answer, because he is not sure if he meant that or not, but this new plan sounds nice to him.

“Definitely” He replies smiling.

 

 

“I think he is starting to suspect something.” Harry informs him one day, barging into Niall's flat when he is taking a nap on the couch.

“Mmmm?” Niall groans, not bothering to open his eyes.

“Louis, Louis knows.” Harry says lifting Niall's legs to make room on the couch, then sitting and resting them on his own knees. “Niall you are not paying attention to me.” He moans, and proceeds to shake Niall's still half asleep form. The blond grunts, but manages to squint his eyes open, blinking a couple of times. He sits up to get a better look of Harry and coughs a couple of times to clear his voice. “Why? How?”

Harry sends him a look of frustration, and explains, “He's being weird lately, you know? We don't hang out together as much and now when Eleanor is in the flat he looks at me and kisses her, as if to prove a point.” 

Niall doesn't know if he should tell him that Louis has actually approached him about it and that Harry's totally misreading the whole situation.

From what he gathered from Louis' conversation, every time Louis talks to Harry and Eleanor's name is brought up, Harry gets up with some lame excuse and leaves for Niall' flat. The same happens when the young girl is in the flat. Sometimes is not even necessary that Eleanor is brought up into the picture. All it takes is for Louis to approach Harry and ask him if everything is fine, or how is he doing, and the younger boy will go sprinting to the Niall’s flat. 

So maybe Harry's got a big responsibility over the fact that he and Louis aren't spending as much time together as they used to. But Niall doesn't mention it because it's not what Harry needs to hear right now. He just hints subtly that maybe he should open up to Louis.

“Niall, I can't tell him how I feel, now or never.” Harry sighs exasperated.

“Ok but at least don't act as if everything is perfect because he is not stupid.” Niall retorts.

Harry scrutinizes Niall and arches an eyebrow, “He has talked to you, hasn't he?” And there is something in Harry's tone that says betray.

“He's just worried, Harry.” Niall replies.

“Yeah, so he goes to you to fish for information behind my back!” Harry hisses.

Niall flinches at that. Feels like the other guy has just slapped him on the face. Harry pinches the bridge of his nose, massaging it for a while.

“Don't listen to me, I've just had a very bad day.” The younger boy says apologetically, laying back further on the couch.

Niall studies his profile quietly, but he decides to let it go for this time and turns the TV on.

 

“So you have never fallen in love?” Harry asks one day conversationally, while he is cooking them some dinner at Niall's messy kitchen.

Niall shakes his head, but realizes that Harry is facing the kitchen counter and can't see him.

“Not really, I had crushes on attractive people, but I think that’s all.” He explains, munching on some nuts. “Maybe I have been and I didn't even realize. You know how clueless I can be.” He adds as an afterthought.

Harry chuckles and looks at him fondly.

“And don't you ever...want to be with someone else? Like.. when you see how happy Dani and Liam are...” Harry trails off, his eyes concentrated on not burning the stew he is cooking.

“It depends. Our life is hectic enough as it is, with the band and everything, you know? I think it'd be very difficult for anyone to fit right now with my...circumstances.” He explains.

Harry turns to him with a spoonful of the stew's sauce for him to taste. 

“Does it have enough salt?” he asks approaching him “Careful, it's hot” He warns Niall. He blows some air toward the spoon, testing the temperature with his own lips before he brings the spoon to Niall's lips, feeding him.

Niall stares at him, slightly dumbfounded but swallows the sauce anyway.

“It's perfect, as usual.” He says quietly. 

Harry smiles at this.

“You are so impartial Niall.”

 

This time they are in Harry's hotel room, for a change of scenario. They are sitting on the bed, their backs against the wall, and their legs stretched on the mattress. They are watching a movie in Portuguese, without any subtitles. Each of them “interpreting” one of the main characters, trying to guess what might be going on but failing miserably. This has managed to keep them entertained for half an hour but then Harry yawns and Niall notices how tired the younger boy looks. It's been a long day of promotion and Niall feels his own eye lids getting heavy.

“I think it's time to call it quits, see you tomorrow mate” He says motioning to get up. However, Harry grabs one of his wrists causing him to collapse back on bed, ungracefully.  
“Just stay here, your room is like miles away.” Harry says dragging the “i” in miles exaggeratedly.

“More like three rooms down the corridor.” Niall laughs amused.

“But I want something to cuddle.” Harry pouts, crossing his arms over his chest.

Niall tries to quickly remember if cuddling was in the list of normal things mates do all the time, when his brain doesn't give him an answer he decides to be safe and play it cool.

“That's what pillows are for, mate.” Niall pats his cheek twice, before trying to get up again, but his attempt is futile.

“Common Horan, don't play hard to get, I'm not buying i.t” He insists, his pout bigger, if possible.

Niall lets himself collapse one last time.“Okeyyyy,” Hesays, “But if I sleep here then you have to compromise to close the curtains, I can't sleep with light.” He demands.

“Whatever you say, diva” Harry sticks out his tongue, but gets up and closes the curtains anyway.

“Night Haz” Niall says once Harry gets back in bed. 

They automatically shift closer, trying to share their body heat to overcome the cold emanating from the duvets.

 

They are in Niall's car driving aimlessly. He just got his license a week ago and still isn't confident enough to drive on his own, so Harry has offered to join him in the car. It's been a while since the last time Harry talked to him about Louis and Niall is confused and curious about what could have happened to make Harry stop talking about Louis. So he can't help but ask. Harry looks surprised at him. 

“I dunno mate, same old I suppose.” Harry shrugs off.

“Wow, why the enthusiasm?” Niall asks sarcastically.

“I'm done with him, I think?” Harry replies.

“For real?” Niall asks, because he's heard this thousands of times before.

“Yeah, I think so.” And there's something in Harry's voice that wasn't there before, so Niall muses if this time it might be true.

 

 

It's two months after that, when Niall opens his door to find Harry there, surrounded by bags and boxes and holding a ridiculously huge plant on his hands.  
Niall stands there perplexed; his jaw slightly ajar.

“Can I rent your couch?” Harry asks, “I might take one or two compartments of your closet for my stuff, but I swear I'll always close the lid of the toilet and I will cook pancakes for breakfast.” He rants.

He is trying to laugh this off but Niall can see that he is uncomfortable and slightly worried that Niall may close the door on his face.  
“You can have the couch, but I'm afraid the plant is not coming anywhere near my place” Niall warns, trying to push aside any questions he might have for later, when neither of them are feeling so awkward and nervous. 

Harry smiles at him, grateful and Niall opens the door further and helps Harry to move in.

“We'll get you a proper bed.” Niall says after they are done moving Harry's stuff to a room Niall used to storage his crap.

They are drinking some wine on the couch and trying to get their tense muscles to relax.

“So, that was unexpected” Niall points out, rising his glass of wine a little bit.

“Yeah well, I've been thinking about it for a while, and this morning I got this now or never feeling.” Harry explains, and Niall nods because it is so like Harry to do huge things like this at the spur of the moment.

“What triggered it, though?” He asks.

“I already spend most of my time here. The only reason I never actually asked you if I could move in with you was because I thought that leaving the flat I share with Louis was like giving up on us definitely and I wasn't ready to do it, but I think I am now.” Harry answers smiling at him.

Niall is slightly confused but extremely glad Harry is now contemplating to move on.

“That's great news.” he says honestly and Harry looks at him with a hint of curiosity.

“Is it?” He asks smiling shyly, taking Niall's hand in his and rubbing his thumb over it.

Niall heart starts to beat as a hammer inside his chest and he blushes when the hand Harry's holding starts to get clammy.

The scene is pretty much the same as usual. They are sitting on the familiarity of Niall's couch ( which apparently is now Harry's), having some buzz, and chilling out. But there's something definitely different on the atmosphere. Something that makes Niall's pulse speed up and the hairs of his arms to stand up as if there was electricity going through his skin. 

Niall looks at Harry surprised. He sees everything in a new light. As if he had been watching a 3D movie without the special glasses for a long time and then decided to put them on and see the change. 

Everything stops being a blur and Niall realizes that he's been confused for the last 9 months or so. 

But in this new light he sees Harry faint blush right there. He sees his hands trembling and he wonders if they are aching to touch him as much as his are. He wants to say “Hey Harry, don't be nervous, it's fine, I get it now, I understand.” but he is beat to it, because suddenly Harry in leaning in and capturing his lips.  
Niall kisses him back, and he feels more alive than he has been in months. 

For once, he's got all his senses tuned in; every single part of his mind and body completely aware of how Harry is trying to lay him down on the couch, how his cold hands and sneaking under his shirt.

Niall dares to lick Harry's full lower lip, and Harry grants him entrance. If this was any other person the blond would blush at how shamefully horny he is by just snogging. But this is Harry and Niall can tell he's just as bad as him. 

“So I guess I will no longer be sleeping here, right?” Harry asks, nibbling at his earlobe.

Niall manages to shake his head and utter a breathy “No, you won’t.”

“Then, I guess that we can put this couch to better use.” Harry whispers into his neck.

And, fuck yeah. That, they can do.  
p>


End file.
